Walk the unbeaten track

What does the topic of this Paper tell us? Simply that it’s time we stepped aside from the race track and abandoned the race. That we stop comparing ourselves with other people, rather compare ourselves with our past accomplishments, our past actions and reactions, our past way of thinking, our past results, our past health evaluation, our physical threshold and many such parameters. 

What is competition? According to Sander Linden, the Dutch social Psychologist, “Competitiveness is a biological trait that co-evolved with the basic need for human survival”. How humans evolved is known to all of us – it was the survival of the fittest. But modern man brought about a sea change by stressing upon the attitude of cooperation in the civilised society.It is this cooperation which played an important role in forming the society we see today. 

Among small kindergarten children, winning in a race is not a grave matter. It is the parents and elders who “egg” them on to perform their fastest , smartest and swiftest. The child is more interested in the lemonade served at the end of the race. He or she hardly knows what is happening and doesn’t care. 

For a child who is a little older, and who is unable to do something, like solving a maths problem, the initial enthusiasm at performing quickly turns to grumpiness. Reassuring the child about his/her strengths leads to zilch. “Hey, you are good at sports, so what, if you cannot solve mathematics” is like talking to a stone wall. They just won’t believe you! Do not try to comfort the child at the cost of putting down another child. “Hey, Joe cannot swim as fast as you”. Instead if we explain to the child that different people have different strengths and develop at different rates, it would lend authenticity to our words, merely because that is the plain and simple truth. Be present with the child throughout his grumpy phase and make him think of his past performances and let him focus on doing better the next time. “Hey, you did better than how you did last time. Well done !”, is a better compliment than saying that you did better than someone else. But the problem is, most parents want their child to outshine other children. In this process, they sow the seed of unhealthy competition and do immense harm to their own child. 

If a child stops enjoying the game because he is not winning or because of fear of being reprimanded or being compared with his siblings, it is related to some issue at home. The people at home are to blame- certainly. Some children like to win to get attention or to make their parents happy, little enjoying the game. This is parental pressure, not conducive to the child ‘s growth.

It was 1985- the last year of my school life. I had not participated throughout middle and senior school, all because I had developed into a very quiet and shy girl in public. But time was flying, within months we would be completing our school board exams. This was my last chance. So I decided to participate in the Annual Singing Competition. I had prepared very well. My auditions went very well. I sang in front of a few teachers and they looked surprised that i had not sung even once at the Singing competitions all these years. They liked my voice and I got selected for the final day. But on the final day, disaster struck. I suddenly found 500 pairs of eyes looking at me and I shook and quivered on each note. My teachers were utterly disappointed and somebody reprimanded the teacher who had selected me, for having got someone with no stage experience for such a prestigious Annual competition. I cried for the rest of the day in school. I could not show my face to anyone. I constantly felt everybody pointing at me and talking about my miserable performance. But within weeks, I learnt one thing- that public memory is very weak. No one remembers who did badly until you remind them with your sorrowful face. Also no one remembers who had won the trophy the previous year. People have better things to do and they don’t really bother. Only the winner and the losers remember.

I was now undeterred by failure. Each time I got to perform, I understood where my mistakes lay and worked upon it and moved ahead. But move ahead, I must! I thought of all those people who had never even tried to do things they were passionate about. The easiest route is not trying.

Competition against yourself is the ability to set your own values and yardsticks- you choose your goals.  In the journey of life, the real journey is against your past and the unrealized potential lying dormant within you. The versatile American actor,director,producer and writer,Matthew McConaughey says in his own words,  “Every day, every week, every month and every year of my life, my hero is always 10 years away. I’m never gonna beat my hero. But that’s just fine with me because it keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing”.

According to Emma Lord,editor of a women’s’ magazine, when only your own past performance competes against you, you enjoy a sense of freedom and you tend to succeed. Six positive things happen in the process. They are :

1. You have a much healthier measure of your success. There will always be somebody better than you. There is no escaping that thought. While you were trying hard to get that cushy job, one of your friends got married and had a couple of kids. Should either of the two of you feel that you have not been successful in the real sense? Don’t use society’s yardstick to measure your every move. Remember, you stuck to what you wanted from life and your friend chose something different. We need not panic that one friend has bought a car at the age of 18. If you put your heart to it, you will acquire it too. Buying a car was your friends goal, not yours. Don’t follow the footsteps of other people who have made it big in life. The problem is, we don’t strive to be unique and different.
   
   
2. In the process, we get a better sense of what we are capable of. When we look inward into ourselves, we come across everything we are good at. We come to realize our strengths and weaknesses. We finally come to understand that it is essential for each of us to make that commitment of pursuing what we are good and make that talent or skill, good enough to become our personal success story.
   
   
3. In this process, we delve into unknown areas. When we compete with others, we work in a field set by them. So if we spend our entire life competing with them, those are just the fields of activity we will ever or even experience. Think of the many other skills and talents untapped, lying dormant, in each and every one of us! When we compete with ourselves, we open ourselves to the infinite things that we could improve and pursue – the infinite things that have a chance to make us happy.
   
   
4. In the process, you get to define your own success. Just because our parents bought a house and a car, should we follow in their footsteps? Remember, that made them happy. We need to do what gives us fulfilment and a sense of pride. A real successful person is one who pursues something that makes her happy, not because that is what is expected of her. When we let go of other people’s expectations, we become carefree and enjoy the process of doing. And my friend, that thrill is second to none !
   
   
5. In the process, we become free of people’s judgement and opinion. By competing with the you of yesterday, you are actually dismissing other people’s opinions and measures of success. We might be pursuing something crazy, which people find an utter waste of time but we don’t care any which way. The courage to stick to our guns lies within us. We have to answer to none but ourselves. We need to ask ourselves – are we working hard and relentlessly in the field chosen by us? We can be brutally honest with ourselves and improve or think of a better way to do it. Take a break and start all over again.
   
   
6. In the process, we never rest on our laurels. Resting on laurels is for other people but not for you as you are constantly striving to become Yesterday-Plus. When you are competing with others, you may actually beat them and become numero-uno. What next? But when you are competing with yourself, you never reach the summit and you are constantly on the path of self-improvement and challenge.  Moreover, as rightly said by John Tsilimparis, the sense of achievement is so fleeting.  There are scores of examples of people reaching the top and then losing their way. One such example is of the matinee idol Rajesh Khanna. When he beat everyone at the game and became numero-uno, he had nothing more to achieve and fell to indiscipline and alcohol and a few years down the line, nobody cared about him. People went chasing another sensational celebrity or hero. What a lost and empty feeling celebrities and rockstars experience in such circumstances! And that too, after achieving everything –  a bungalow in the swankiest locations, imported cars and a beautiful showpiece wife. 

Look around you and you find clones everywhere. The uniqueness of an individual is lost. A parent is proud of a child pursuing science but ashamed of a boy painting a picture. Unfortunate children live their parent’s dreams, crushing their own instincts and callings and never ever realizing the infinite possibilities lying within them. In the long run,fighting the outside world , we end up as stressed-out people, lacking self-confidence and with a look of worry constantly written on our faces. A person who is different is treated like a pariah. Uniqueness is intolerable. Outlandish clothes can be worn at your own peril. It’s amazing that we were created unique and yet we want to join the herd and stand in a queue to do exactly what millions have done before us. But when you compete with yourself, you start your own queue and you pioneer your-way.

That is when you break the mould and be yourself.